Pause for Thought

Teenagers: The few benefits of living with them

2012-01-05T11:58:00.000-08:00

There are only a few benefits when one lives with teenagers. It's not their technology prowess, as they only know how to use the technology they need. Things like texting, or hooking up Xbox to the big screen tv. Mostly they are good at what they like because they apparently have nothing but disposable time on their hands. Getting good is a function of practice. They are not good at ordinary household chores, but this is no secret.

But I have discovered one benefit. I am now on the leading edge of the hip hop music world, much to my own chagrin. How does a middle age white mom from Kitchener, Ontario get to be this ...uhhh...specialized? Well, you need to live with a couple of teenagers who spend most of their waking hours listening to Odd Future or Wiz Kahlifa. Or if they are feeling mellow, a little Top 40 hip hop, like Drake's new CD, is emanating from iPods at any given moment. Personally, I have become an enthusiastic Kanye West fan after listening to My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy on a three-hour car ride last summer. I understand he is an egomaniac with poor social skills (his display at the Grammy's a couple of years ago showed him to be moronic) but I don't need to respect him or care about him personally. I just like his music.

Tyler the Creator (I love that name!) of Odd Future fame has some pretty raunchy lyrics and most mothers would be horrified if he was to show up on their doorstep, but my youngest daughter knows Tyler personally and she says he's a nice and interesting young man. I think his songs are interesting as well: his lyrics reveal what the youth of today is concerned about. It isn't pretty but it is real. He is actually a very astute observer of life. Perhaps even a poet. It does surprise (and perhaps horrify) my daughter though when I recognize one of his songs. I am notorious for not remembering any lyrics to even my favorite song (Whole Lotta Love).

Of course, music appreciation goes the other way. Both my girls know classic jazz songs from Louis, Billy and Etta. They, unlike me, can even sing all the lyrics. My eldest daughter was reprimanded in the second grade for singing Bobby Darin's Call Me Irresponsible too loudly during reading time. I was never so proud! The youngest daughter worships at the shrine of Jimi Hendrix at the same time she digs Tyler (the Creator). She has good taste.

But music appreciation is not the only benefit of teenagers. I now have two personal stylists who will nix any ugly/bad/inappropriate choices in clothing. I am not in any danger of appearing on What Not To Wear, despite thinking it would be great to have Stacy and Clinton give me $5k to shop in New York City. While only a fraction of my clothes are "borrowed" by them, they still generally approve of my overall appearance. But they are concerned with my shoes. As I get older, I am less and less excited about high heels. I have enough to last me for the next five years and my concerns lay more with comfort and functionality (sports shoes are an addiction). They forbid me to buy most shoes I like, but occasionally I sneak a pair past the Shoe Patrol. My girls, however, will be found teetering on 4" stilettos (making them 6'2") at any time, despite admitting they are brutally uncomfortable. Taking them out to a dress up event is like being bookended by two exotic giraffes.

Another (slight) benefit is that I now have awareness of some truly hilarious websites (not including cat videos, which I am ashamed to admit, have watched with my daughter for kicks on a Friday night). I realize that it takes a lot of disposable time to discover these sites (or find the sites that aggregate the cools sites so you don't need to do the searching), and for that I am grateful. Obviously, when you are 16 years old and your schedule is that of a vampire's, you have to do something between the hours of 2 am and 4 am. Apparently, it is download cool music, seek out new fashions, post images and words to your Tumblr, skype your cross country friends as well as your BFF that you just saw earlier in the day, coin new phrases and surf shoe sites.

But are they good for anything else? Nope. But then again, neither was I at that age.

What is Enough

2011-12-15T10:33:00.000-08:00

It's mid-life and the topic of "relationships" is hotter than ever. Mostly because everyone I know is either starting a new relationship, getting out of an old relationship or examining a current relationship. For every one of you out there who is in a relationship, but not thinking about how to keep that relationship good, strong and interesting, you are going to find yourself in the other category sooner rather than later. The unvarnished truth is that relationships require a lot of work (on yourself, mainly). But that's another blog topic.

Now, how did I come up with "What is Enough" ? Well, one weekend last summer I was hanging out with a friend and we had lots of time on our hands to discuss the ins and outs of relationships from our middle aged point of view. You see, both of us had been in relationships where there "wasn't enough" and other times where we "weren't enough". Both suck, but not being enough sucks more because it takes a lot more personal reflection to deal with the latter. But when you do, it's freeing. Anyway, after our four days of talking, drinking, having fun...we both left with a new appreciation of What is Enough for a healthy, intimate, sustainable, adult relationship. It's is not checklist, but it is a guideline. And remember, enough is enough; but since this is part of my next book there will be more words about enough.

What is Enough?

They have gone through enough life experiences to know that “this too shall pass” and have a reasonable and healthy way to deal with it when it does.

They will have enough intelligence that no one has to dumb down their thoughts to communicate effectively.

There is enough daily laughter and communication.

They will have enough relationship skills that they can bring something new and useful to the table and not rely on the other to provide the insight and experience to making relationships work.

They will have enough personal freedom from previous relationships that they are unencumbered to go forward without hurting others or shortchanging themselves by moving too fast.

The sex will be enough for both people and it will be satisfying enough that your world is rocked – maybe not each and every time, but enough times that you are very, very happy with it.

They will love themselves enough to be fit, care about what they eat, drink and do in life because they know that a healthy body is to be cherished not squandered.

They will have enough time, enough money, enough ability and enough life skills so that they are not a burden and can move forward through life without deprivation.

They will have enough honor, integrity and respect to do the right thing and even if they did the wrong thing in the past, they will have enough intelligence and personal commitment to begin anew.

They will have had enough relationships with the opposite sex to realize there is no single person that is your soul mate, that just because someone really wants to be with you, you may not feel the same way and you can’t make the next person be the one because you are tired of being by yourself.

There is enough fascination with the other person that you want to know more and be part of their world, but not their whole world.

They will be wise enough to know that relationships need nurturing, not controlling.

They will also have to be enough to themselves and they will want the same “what is enough” criteria in a mate.

And, finally, you are enough for them.

Change of pace. And focus.

2011-12-09T21:05:00.000-08:00

I've just dumped all the previous blogs because, frankly, they were just blogs that I thought I had to write because I was in the marketing/writing business. Well, guess what. They were crap. Practically everyone else does them better (Seth Godin, for example) and maybe even the kid down the street.

Nope, from now on I am going to write just what the fuck I am thinking about that day (moment) and mostly it isn't about marketing. If marketing does come up occasionally, it will be a freaking miracle, because almost all of the marketing out there is crap and I add to it on a weekly basis. But I have two kids to feed and mortgage and I have few other skills I can make money from. (But I am due for a change.)

What do I like to write about? Science. People. Fitness. Relationships. Happiness. Booze. Food. Amazing things.
So that's what I am going to write about. No one reads this anyway, so it's just me writing to me. If you find this "blog" think of it as more or less a brain dump. No need to comment on it. I probably don't care.